Everything will be ok - Bella Ryan

Bella is from Unalakleet, Alaska.  She has a strong love for the Lord, and a heart to serve Him. 

My walk began a long time ago, when I was a little girl. It started with VBS (vacation Bible school). I went just about everyday with my brothers and sister. I loved the crafts we did, and enjoyed bringing them home to show my mother. I also enjoyed the songs we sang. Not to mention the snack and game time.

Years passed, and third grade was approaching. I was anxiously waiting for summer, that meant I got to go to Covenant Bible Camp, just a short ride away from home. Camping with friends, meeting new people, worshiping, playing games, and growing in faith was something I looked for every summer following that year. One of those visits, I opened my heart and asked God into my life. I cried while I talked with one of the counselors about what happened in my life. I had been through a great deal in such a short time; losing my father, helping my mother take care of the younger ones at the age of 10, and going through a bad experience. She spoke words of kindness and encouragement that I shall never forget.

Throughout middle school I went to a youth group with my friends every week. We went through quite a few youth leaders: Curtis and Kristi, Brad, Dave, Adam, Jamie. Being in a small village with very little to keep youth occupied, youth group was always something to look forward to. It gave my life a sense of purpose, meaning, and I grew closer and closer to our Father.

The summer before high school, I became friends with a person who later became the love of my life, Nick. I'd look forward to hanging out with him and a few other friends, for they took my mind off of what was going on at home.  They made me feel my actual age.  Near the end of August, there was a slight change in life. My younger sister and I moved to Juneau with our eldest sister. At first, I was excited. I was going some place different, new, but I didn't realize how it would affect the relationship between Nick and I. While the miles separated, we somehow managed to stay connected. Writing emails, snail mail, and talking on the phone. That's when I realized I was falling in love with him. Through all the pain and sufferings I went through most of my life, God gave me hope.

I returned home, just in time for high school camp, which happened to be the last time I went.  I met new people, enjoyed the worshiping, and experienced the love of God the week I was there. School approached and passed. The next summer I didn't go. Instead, I worked for Peace on Earth, Nick’s dad’s restaurant.  I did the same thing the next summer as well as the next. I went up to camp to visit every now and then, but didn't go for the entire week, when I should have. Throughout high school, I went to the high school youth group. I still believed in God, but I wasn't in the long run. My faith wasn't strong as it should've been.

After graduation, I worked again, instead of going to camp. I was off to college in the fall (University of Alaska Anchorage), and all I could think about was saving money (Looking back I think- how selfish of me). The first year of classes was tough. I was in a new environment, experiencing life on my own, and I was in a relationship. I had shoved God to the side and looked towards all the wrong things. I didn't do so well in classes that year, so I went home for a year. I lived under my mother’s roof, worked at the pizza place, and helped her out with the young ones. I played basketball and hung out with friends and family, all the while with God on the sidelines. One day, I was visiting with a good friend, and we started talking about school. We talked about going to Alaska Christian College. And she helped me apply. I was accepted.  I traveled to Alaska Christian College in Soldotna for another attempt at school. The first day of being there, I became scared. I was around people I barely knew, except for one of my grade school best friends. I feared the new environment, I feared the Lord.  So I ran.  I ran back to UAA and let down two of the people in my life I looked up to.  This was the time I really wandered away from God.

Throughout the winter, I became friends with the wrong people.  I started experimenting with alcohol, lusted for things I shouldn't have.  By then, I completely shut God out of my life.  I then made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I gave up love for lust.  The actions and decisions I took made me lose my one true love and best friend of my life.  He knew me better than I, myself.  I had lost his trust, his love, everything we worked for over the five, going on six years we were together.

From that experience, I decided to never again go down that path.  I asked God for forgiveness for running away, for setting aside our relationship, and that's when I asked Him to take the reins. I was tired of living the way I was.  Once I let go, everything became clear.  Arigaa, a college youth group, started up again, and I met the coolest people I could ever have as friends.  Every week I went, and every time I felt God pulling me closer to Him than ever before.  I then had the opportunity to help out with the junior high youth group, so I took it, because I felt God pulling my heart towards there.  It was like a clean slate was given to me.  My heart was piecing back together, bit by bit.  I felt Him working in my life, and still do. And that's when I knew everything was going to be alright, again.